Giving Up

I really feel like I have given up on being a web designer/developer.  I would much rather spend my time doing graphics than reinforcing what I learned in web development.

I keep thinking that “I should …” work  on something related to web dev for a few hours a week.  I never do.  I play around in Photoshop or read Photoshop tutorials. 

I have so much invested in web development that I am angry with myself for not working harder on it.  Today I was wondering how I even passed some of the classes when I can’t even get a PHP contact sheet to send mail properly.  I just can not seem to get it to work.  Just thinking about this makes me want to go take a bath and go to bed.  I am tired of beating my head against that brick wall.

When do you know that you “wasted” you time and money on something?  I wasted so much time on something that I cannot seem to do.  Super depressing thought…  I want to give up and try something that I am good at.  I do not know why I did not spend that time and money getting a degree in marketing and communications.  That would have been much easier and more up my alley.  Nope.  I had to try something new and hard…

….

What a waste.

About this point in my blog I would normally say something like “there is no wasted experience” or something.  I hate to say that it is true, but I do not feel that way about this.  Even on a practical level I think it was a waste to do this.  After the first class I almost failed (c++) and when I started thinking about changing majors, I really should have.  Heck I am better at database design and programming than I am at web development.  I almost changed two or three times.

Now I am left with something that gives me headaches, and that I cannot do anywhere else but at my desk.  Argh!

Really a waste.

Now I am left to decide if I want to attempt to continue with web development or drop it and focus on graphic design and marketing.  If I stick with it, it is going to be long and hard work.  I am going to have to strap myself to my desk and learn from scratch.  Learn the basics of PHP, Java, JavaScript and even HTML and CSS again.  The way I should have done it the first time, on my own with books and how to vids.

I could just drop it and take some classes at a community college and get a bachelors in marketing and communication.  I have enough experience to be able to test out of a bunch of the basic and mid level classes.  Write it off.  I hate to do that though.

I am genuinely interested in making good multi-platform websites.  The thought just gets me all thoughtful and curious. 

*Sigh*

I do not think I am going to figure this out tonight or even this month.

I do need to decide soon though.

Stick with it or drop it?  I wish I knew.

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