?????Why do I even bother trying?

Plans fall through with a ridiculous regularity.  People (friends, or so  they say) sabotage me.  Nothing wants to work. Key tools fail at key times.


I am sure my friends are not sabotaging me.  They have lives.  I am not a needy friend, though.  I do expect something in return for being supportive and listening.  It really wounds me to have them bail on me all the time.  More so, when it was planned 2-3 weeks in advance.

I do not have many friends (I believe in quality over quantity.)  Right now, I want to have no friends and become a hermit.  Never put myself out there so people will stop letting me down.

I still cannot get XAMPP to load any test sites.  This is getting really irritating.  I have 2 sites mostly built and I CANNOT test them!  I have spent more time troubleshooting XAMPP than I did building the sites, so far.  What the hell!

Why do I keep hoping that “next time will be different?”  “My friends will come.” “Everything will work.”  Stupid optimism.  It just lets you keep getting hurt.  Like an idiot, I keep getting up and setting myself to get knocked down again.  Insanity.  I keep trying and I keep getting let down.

I am not going to become a hermit.  Despite how much I want to.  I will continue to try.  Because I have a bit of hope. 

One day…

Everyone will show up.

The program will work.

I will not get knocked down.

One day… Things will fall into place.



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