Yes, I “talk” to myself. Sometimes with made up people, sometimes with people I know, and sometimes I just listen to myself rant. No, I am pretty sure I am not crazy or insane. I have yet to lose an argument. ; )
I talk to myself as a way go sort things out. I find solutions to problems, get interesting ideas and find out things about myself. The last one is important. When you discover truths about yourself you change your world view, and therefore the world.
Tonight, in my mental conversation and wanderings, I realized that I am happier today than I was last year because I started doing things for myself.
I draw/ paint for myself. There is a bonus that people like the art, but I do it for me. I find it fun. No one expects anything from the art but me. I am the only one that decides if it is good or not. I choose what to share, what to hide.
I have started going out on the weekends by myself. I run errands or hang out with friends. Again, more for my benefit then theirs. I have spent much of my life doing things for others and I was still unhappy. I realized that I was just living for other people, living the life they wanted me to live. As I go about my day on my own I get to do things that I want to do.
It has taken a while to figure out what I want to do. I am still working on it. The point is that I can choose not to go to a store, or walk further, or buy that silly thing that strikes my fancy for no reason.
I want to meet people that I think are interesting. People that might have interesting lives or stories. I want to see more art and hear the stories behind them. I want to talk with people who want to share their stories and ideas.
I want this for me, because it makes me happy. There will be a nice bonus for those around me. I might buy something, I will share the experience and I may become inspired to create something that will bring joy to others.
My self epiphany tonight was that I am happier because I do things for myself. It is not selfish, it is self care.