There are times when I am so busy that I over do it.
Not really physically. Mentally and emotionally.
Things HAVE to be done; Get up, go to work, deal with people. The house has to be cleaned, people are coming over, tomorrow. Spend several hours cleaning. Go to work, deal with people. Get home, deal with people. Work on art. It makes you happy right? Latte’s, sugar, tea… sleep? Chores, more painting and drawing. Errands… Music to save your sanity and keep you from punching that idiot.
There are days (like the day I wrote this) where I just need to go and hide in a dimly lit hole. Hide and recuperate my energy, my tolerances, and relocate my motivation.
When I am this rundown I tend to get depressed or angry (I would rather be depressed. It is easier to hide then to walk around trying to restrain myself.) When depressed I have trouble focusing on the good things, happy things.
The good becomes so hard to find that it is not worth looking for it. It is almost not worth trying to keep making things because you think everything is bad. All you see are the mistakes and errors. Not the overall picture and how it is viewed.
You start doubting your skills. All the mistakes, errors. I suck. I am a failure. I am an amature. No amount of practice makes me better.
You get sucked into a spiral of “why bother doing..?” It is all mistakes, it sucks, no one likes it.
This process leads to a lack of inspiration, and then a lack of art. Then a shell of a person, only going about things because they have to be done for the survival of the body.
Hopefully one can see it coming and mitigate the situation before it becomes a full blown episode of stagnation and misery. Months and years of your life can be lost in the “pit of despair.”
There are lots of away to recover. I walk to recover. I find a park, put on some music and walk. Miles and miles. I pretend that I am nothing. No one knows me. I have no skills, no personality, no needs, wants, desires, nothing. I am unknown and invisible. I walk.
Matt Simons – Catch and Release is one of my favorite songs to walk to. It puts things into perspective.
And I am out of words on this topic for now.