There are days when I feel more negative things than positive.
I do my best to keep it from leaking out, but I am sure people can tell.
I can usually pick myself up by writing things out, so here goes!
Yesterday was a pretty bad day. I am not even sure why it was bad. I was productive. I worked on art, prepped this blog post, completed several chores, and took pictures in a cemetery. Honestly, it was a pretty productive day.
So why did I feel so useless and empty?
I am kind of angry also. Angry that people got straight to “hormones” whenever a female is not feeling like they usually do. Angry that most of what I am can be attributed to a good or bad hormone day.
I am also angry at my current financial situation. The only thing I could have done to make it better was stay where I was, slowly getting sadder and sadder, and fatter and fatter. I do not think that giving up my physical and mental health was worth the wage I received anymore.
There are other things I am angry about my financial situation, but I need to work those out with my spouse.
Maybe I am not feeling useless and empty, maybe I am just angry at a lot of things, most of which I have no control over. That could be a good answer.
I have a large commission coming up. I have to fine tune the sketches and confer with my client. This will be a good thing, it means keeping busy, creating income and getting out and exercising.
I have a small painting I am finishing up.
I have the prospect of another mural for a business and two more events. Things may or may not be as bad as I think or envision. I just need to keep taking the steps to make things work.
I am feeling a bit of the hope coming back.