I try hard to keep my posts “happy” and art focused. Life has a way of interrupting that. Anyone who reads my blog knows I can get really dark and down. This is one of those posts.
I am worried about how things are going to go the rest of this year.
Since February my spouse has been chronically unemployed. I began having panic attacks due to the stresses at work and at home. I chose to quit my job and work on dealing with the home stresses.
Things have not gotten any better.
My spouse is still unemployed. We have no significant amount of income coming in. He is not eligible for unemployment. I have negative feelings about this, but I am not going to go there in this post. It is personal and not good.
In an effort to supplement the few art sales I have, I got a part time job… That I am afraid of. That is not 100% correct. It is not the work that I am afraid of, nor the people. I have a high level of general anxiety about the job. I have never done it before. I am not in the greatest physical condition, and I suck at counting and 10 key.
So the panic continues and nothing is better.
I took a risk and feel that I failed miserably.
Now I have another job that I have anxiety about and my home life is still extra stressful.
I am not sure what I can do now.
Everyday I get up and I think about all the stuff that is happening. I catalog all the negatives and try to find some positives. Then I do my best to push everything aside and do a small thing that might help. I paint, I clean, I work on my blog, apply for jobs that I doubt I will get.
All these little things, that are really NO HELP at all. Yet, they are all I can do.
Here are things that are suggested by websites and “guru’s” out in the internet.
1. sell things you do not use, fit or want, on apps.
If I had ANYTHING worth selling, I would. I have art supplies and the cloths on my back. I have already taken my books to a used book store. I have very little “stuff” to unload.
2. answer survey’s for money.
I have two accounts and the surveys pay 10cents per hour at the best of times. I have $13.00 at one site and $6.00 at another. This is not worth my time as I am a Caucasian female, a majority in the survey world and my opinion is not in high demand.
3. Go back to school.
I already have a useless less piece of paper. I have never been able to use it. In addition I would still need food and Mortgage money.
4. Apply for everything.
Doing it. Checking Craigslist, Facebook, LinkedIn, and various job search engines.
I am at a loss and do not know what to do next.
I do not know what is going to happen at the end of this month.
I am thankful for the handful of people that have asked for commissions and purchased my art. I am thankful for the scary part time job I have now. I just do not think that it is enough and failure is right around the corner.