The Uncertainty Continues

I am in a deep pit of fear right now.

There are a lot of things that are uncertain, causing fear.

There are a lot of things that will change, causing fear.

The fear has left me unable keep on top of what needs to be done. I am frozen.

I have been working hard to keep myself together. Be strong and happy. The worry eats away at me daily. I know it does my spouse as well.

I have tried getting the assistance that we all pay into. However, we have no children and are not disabled. We do not qualify for most programs. The best we get is food stamps. Of course, something is better than nothing right now.

NegativeClouds

A cloud art that I created a few years ago after recovering from a very bad week. Ink wash and Pen and ink lines.

 I am lost at what else I can do. I have filled out so many forms, and they all get rejected or denied. I have applied for so many jobs I do not even remember most of them. I did have one call me back, but told me the position was quite a ways out of my travel zone.

I have slowly, so slowly, been selling my services. A few people have purchased my art. I have also done a few portrait commissions. I try to keep creating through all the uncertainty.

I have had a few companies contact me about my art, that makes me happy. Then I find out they want me to pay to be in their magazine or event. I understand their need to ensure they make money on their product. I do not understand why the fees are so high for most of them. You are going to be selling the product and generating income off that. Paying for the “exposure,” the doom of artists.

Otherwise most of the interst is not of the paying variety.  I am happy that people like my art, but it does not help me much if it does not leave my possession.  $10 is not a lot of money to a lot of people.  $10 is something to me.

I feel like a deer in a meadow. Everything looks great and safe, yet there are predators on one side of the woods and a company cutting down the trees on the other.

Where am I supposed to go?

What am I supposed to do?

For now I will just keep applying for jobs.

Keep sharing my art for sale. Keep creating art.

Keep applying for assistance.

Keep looking for others who might help out.

Do my best not to be bitter.

Work on keep a positive outlook.

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