I just got off the phone with a great friend. The brief glossy version for the reason for the call:
This person is dealing with an extremely bad time in his life. Multiple things have gone wrong and they have been left to clean up the mess and resolve the remaining issues. Not for the first time. They needed an ear and some support, a friend.
I am a friend. Even though they know I am terrible with the supportive words, I am still a friend that will listen, and offer what I can. Mostly an ear and cliche words of support and honesty (usually the brutal kind.)
I am terrible with these things. Really. If you want someone to give you comfort and hope, do not call me. I become factual and robotic when presented with these kinds of situations.
A reason I am terrible at this kind of thing, is because my life has been fairly easy so far. I have not had any major problems such as a close relative die (horrifically or otherwise.) I have not had my heart broken and no major betrayals. I have no experience with these kinds of things. I have lived a “charmed life” in those regards.
This does not mean I do not feel anything when people talk to me about their lives. I get sad, scared, angry, worried, frustrated, and many other emotions that I cannot separate out. I feel all kinds of emotions, they just never reach my face or my words, most of the time – not even my actions.
I think about the causes. I think about how to visualize the feelings. I think about how to keep it from happening again. I think about how to help the person move forward.
Nothing a person in pain wants to hear about when they are in pain.
They want comfort and support and hugs. They do not want to know that I visualize their feelings or that they can do x thing to keep it from happening in the future. Nor do they want to know that xx thing is the next logical step.
I do my best to offer what I can. I warn people ahead of time when they tell me they need a friend. I listen. If I have no words, I will say so. If all I have to offer is a cliche, I will say so. Do not expect anything else of me… well maybe some weird art.
It comes out in my art. All of it.
In the near future you will see some creepier than usual art related to the conversation I had today.