..In Which I swear A LOT

I have another blog I write, for my art.  I usually post things on both sites as the art stuff is a big part of my life.  Not today.  Today it is just for my WordPress followers.

I am in a great deal of pain tonight.  My back injury is creating a lot of pain.  I pushed myself this week and worked 6 days straight.  I could not find my back brace on Saturday, so I went without.  I also did not do my stretches on Saturday.  Big mistake on both things.

I woke up a bit sore, but nothing that was impacting my day.  My allergies were more of a bother.  I could not get my nose to stop running, even after several doses of my nasal spray.

As the day wore on, my back got worse and worse.  Now I can’t sleep due to the pain.  Even sitting and writing this hurts.  Standing hurts, laying hurts, and changing position hurts.  I could not do several of my stretches today.  Those that I could do were accompanied by agonized deep breathing, whimpers, and many “Fuck”‘s.

I have a constant stream of swearing going on in my head.

Add to this the financial issues that are going on with my household at the moment.  Not a great time to be me.

I feel cursed.  That I am being punished for trying to do the one thing I have always really wanted to do.  I feel alone, unloved, and left out.

I do not feel that I have anyone to help me through the pain.  I do not feel that anyone will help get the finances back on track.  I do not feel that anyone cares about my endeavors or problems.

I am a bundle of negative feelings and thoughts.

I am jealous of the people who can sell their art.  “Oh look at this I just did… blah blah blah.” Five minutes later they edit to the post to say it was sold.

Fuck them.

My art is better.  I do not understand why their stuff sells and I can’t sell anything.

Is there something wrong with me?

A curse that prevents me from being able to live my dream?

 

I am angry because I can not seem to make things work out.  Everything is against me.  I got asked to do the RAW Seattle event.  Something positive!  …But wait!  You have to sell tickets to pay for the booth costs.  Well Fuck Me.  I can’t sell shit to a dung beetle.

Why even bother trying?  Because I am a fucking optimist.  That is why.  I will get my hopes up and fail.  Fuck me.  I am a stupid idiot.

I am angry with myself.  I fucked up.  I gave up a job that paid well, with good benefits.  I quit when the house was already financially tight.  I should have just sucked it up and kept going.

Thinking that makes me so sad.  I am crying.

Doesn’t my welfare matter?

Why do I have to sacrifice my mental and physical well-being to support others.

Why can’t I come first for a fucking change?

Everything I try just gets fucked up.  Yet I keep fucking trying.  I keep inflicting this shit upon myself.

I am just fucked up.

I do not know what to do to fix anything either.  Running does no good.  The shit just follows.  I ask questions and I get vague answers.  I do what I understand.  It is hard though, not many people to ask questions of.  I do not even know the fucking question.

What the fuck am I doing?

Not going to kill myself.  That might be a worry to some of you.

I would never do that.  Not because of religion on some other shit.  I actually enjoy living.  I enjoy creating art and seeing the world.  I wish I could live forever and see the end of times.  That would be amazing.  Just to see everything and have the opportunity to share it with others.

No, I will just live my fucking cursed fucked up life.  I will live it alone, unloved and unwanted.

Fuck.

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HeartofGold

I Suck at Sales

I suck at sales

I am sure I have said this many times, and will continue to say it. I am pretty terrible at sales.

I could not sell water to a dehydrated billionaire in the desert. Even if it was their “brand” at their “price.” I just suck at it.

Being scouted for the RAW Seattle event serves to remind me at how bad I am at it.

It is frustrating.

I do not know what I do/say or don’t do/say that make it hard for people to buy things from me, but it is there. Like some sort of intangible field around me.

Since I have constantly had failures at selling a variety of things, news paper to knives, even art, I have a healthy dislike for selling things.

They say you should start with your friends and family. Practice on them…

Yeah…. Riiiiiiight.

HeartofGold

Heart of Gold. Inspired by Halsey and Metropolis

All I really know is that I feel like I am harassing my friends and family. “Support Me!” “Buy my stuff!” “Pay attention to me.” “Give me money.”

I feel like I should just do a “GoFundMe” and beg strangers for money. Though, with my track rate it would not get past a pity donation. But it would be passive sales and I would not have to keep pushing people, who I genuinely like, for the sale.

Today I “hit up” about 90% of my Facebook contacts to buy tickets to the RAW Seattle art show. I am not going to say how few that is. This whole selling thing makes me embarrassed at how small the number of contacts I have. (Quality over quantity – right?)

I got a few friends that responded right away. I love those friends. They made it so easy and even though I feel bad about “hitting them up” they made me feel a teeny bit less bad. (Just got my first sale! She gets an extra print of her choice! Yippie!) It still feels wrong to bother people for these kinds of things.

You should notice what kind of words I use… it is important. “hit up,” bother, beg, push. That is how I think about sales. It is pretty negative and aggressive. I do not like to be that way.

I would rather ask if you would do something than try and sell you on the idea of it. Sneak it in during a conversation, vs just walking up and saying “Wanna buy some tickets?” I find it hard to initiate conversation with others that I do not know reasonably well.

Funny side note. Imagine two introverts hanging out at a coffee shop. Both not sure on what to say to initiate a conversation. Been there, it was awkward. Thankfully we moved past that and are good friends now, only slightly awkward conversations over chai.

In the end I did it. I am pushing myself to sell these tickets to the show. Because it is important to me. You can do amazing things when properly motivated.

PS. Check out the link to support me buy buying a ticket for the RAW Seattle FIXATE show. http://www.rawartists.org/artbycarissac

 

Motivation Monday 9

Two posts in one day!

Has the eclipse made me mad?

 No.  It has just been a busy day and I have a lot to share.

MotivationMonday9_Thumb

 The quote I chose for today is from George Gordon Byron, better known as Lord Byron. A popular English poet and politician. I probably could have posted the quote without telling you the author and you probably would have guessed who it was from.

 “Be thou the rainbow in the storms of life. The evening beam that smiles the clouds away, and tints tomorrow with prophetic ray.”

 In summary, be someones happiness or good thing in the day. It will carry over to their tomorrow and make it better.

 I do not want anyone to have a bad day because of me. I would much rather be the thing that made someones day good. There are enough people and life events that can make a day bad. You do not need to add it it.

 Plus, you doing good makes your day better as well.

 This image was inspired by the quote and the eclipse that happened today. I did not get to see it. I was stuck inside working on lots of things for my future as an artist. I can say that the way the shadows changed was quite disconcerting.

 In addition to all the work stuff, my back was very painful today. I tried to stay sitting or laying. I have a full day tomorrow and I want to be as functional as I can be.

Tags:

RAW Seattle

At the beginning of last week I was contacted via Instagram DM regarding an art show in Seattle. After talking to them (and my spouse) I decided to go ahead and take a risk. It might be great for me. If nothing else I will learn something.

Why is it a risk?

This is a show that asks you to sell tickets to cover your booth fees.

I do not have a great record in the selling things area. I joke that I could not sell water to a dehydrated billionaire in the desert. Sad, but true. I can make all kinds of things and I can provide an excellent experience during the transaction, but I have never been great at selling.

We all have our thing and I understand that selling is just not one of my skills.

That is okay though.

I have friends. I have reached out to my friends and I hope that they will reach out to their friends. Through networking I hope I can sell the 20 tickets I need to sell.

About the Event:

This event is hosted by RAW Artists. It will be at Studio 7 in Seattle. It is a two day show, September 6th and 7th. I will be showing my art on the 6th. Any tickets purchased are good for either day (how awesome is that!)

I am working on something to create that is show specific. The plan is to give one to each person who purchase a ticket.

Buy a ticket, get free art

OR

Buy art and get a ticket to an art show.

To purchase tickets please visit my RAW Artist profile page. Click the “Buy Tickets” button and fill out the information.

–Now the Personal Bit–

I am freaking out about this.

Why on earth did I do this?

How am I going to sell stuff when I SUCK at it?

What am I going to do?

I already have PAX, demanding part time job, art, and NO MONEY. Now I have to add an art show.

WTF Carissa!

Freaking out.

I do not know what the heck I am doing.

I am just doing it.

Art By Carissa-RAW Seattle presents FIXATE

Wall of Inspiration

I have a bit of wall next to my workstation that I have other peoples art stuck to. It is nothing fancy. Everything is in plastic sleeves and taped to the wall.

Everything (but one) is something from another artist. I use this wall to… be motivated and inspired.

Wall_TopRight_SmallWall_right_SmallThe most motivational ones come from Deadly Martha. She has cute, creepy, and inspirational art.

  • A skeleton with sneakers “Today is the day.”  You should always be ready to go.
  • A little zombie girl eating brains because “breakfast is the most important meal of the day.”
  • A devil bunny reminds me to “Be who you are” and
  • A gas mask to remind me to breath.

There are some artists that I do not know or remember who or where I got the pictures/cards. The two birds “Don’t Worry” and “Leave it to Me” are two. I am not sure where “Caffine is Magic” came from, maybe my spouse… But it is very true.

I have some beautiful landscapes one from Christine Knopp (KikiDoodle) and a lovely scene of a woman reading on the side of a road (I cannot read the artists name.) I find both of these relaxing for different reasons. I like the fox and the warm colors and I identify with the waiting lady. I wait a lot, reading is good to pass the time.

Wall_Left_smallThe one with the hot air balloons, by R. Watts, was the FIRST art I bought. It was also my first convention purchase. I walked past it three or four times (I was broke) and finally bought a small one. It is wonderfully detailed and I wish I could have afforded a larger one.

Now for two of my favorite artists, ones I consider friends.

The one with the jack in the box was done by CD Poe. He has interesting lines, colors and subject matter. A man that loves his horror and coffee. I have more of his art around the house and never get tired of looking at it. He even has a coloring book “Color Bits” that I happily own and have worked on coloring.

The girl going Squee and the house were done by Robert Tritthardt. Truly a master of lines. I have a lot of his other non-comic related art all over the house. I read his comics, “Overcast with a Chance of Doom” AND “Writhe and Shine.” The house is from “Overcast” and is the home of Doomie (the girl Squee-ing) and her roomies. It is haunted. It is also full of details that are wonderful and you never really know what is going to happen.

I will be changing up the Wall of Inspiration shortly. I have had this set up for almost a year, it is time to change. I will be taking down the funky canvas (it was a drink and paint I did – I am not a fan of it) and putting up more of other peoples art. I have tons of it now and I want to display as much as I can.

Wall_Full_Small

PS The cute but creepy wood knot head was a gift. He has a brother, equally cute and creepy, who hangs in my bedroom. I like them so they hang where I can see them.

 

Motivation Monday 8

Today we have a quote from Elon Musk. I am sure almost everyone knows who he is. The quote is “When something is important enough, you do it even if the odds are not in your favor.”

This quote was not the next in line. I skipped one from H.G. Wells and Mark Twain in favor of this quote.

Why?

Because it fits my circumstances at the moment and I knew what I wanted to draw after I read it. Right now my life feels like a difficult puzzle maze. Similar to one you would encounter in a video game or the one you would build in the card game Boss Monster (awesome fun game.)

MotivationMonday9_Small You enter the dungeon through the scary stairs, you cannot help but to think the entrance looks a bit like a monster ready to eat you. You encounter pitfalls, things shooting at you, weird puzzles, secret passages, and locked doors. If you are lucky you might get a respite to recharge. This is not guaranteed.

You will eventually see the exit, all glowing and beautiful. Remember not to rush to it. There will always be more pitfalls and puzzles before you can get to the end. Possibly a monster for you to fight.

So keep going.  You will reach your goal.  You are stronger than you might think.

Music and Art at Wright Park

MAWP_poster_instagramOn Saturday August 12th I will be a vendor at MAWP in Tacoma, WA.

I will have tons of original art for sale “priced to move.”

Some of it has never been shared so make sure you stop by and see what I pulled out of the storage closets.

I am always surprised when I start pulling things out of all the hidey holes around the house. I have even found a few rolls of paper that I have not drawn on yet!

Check out the webstore at www.artbycarissac.shop or select the “Shop” button at the top of the Page.

I will be posting “easy to ship” items on Etsy, www.etsy.com/shop/artbycarissac.

If you can not afford to purchase a whole item, check out www.patreon.com/artbycarissac. Every dollar helps me keep doing art. I have some great rewards, like commissions and prints. You will also get early news and patron only content.

Have a great August!