humpbackanglerfish

Following the Road

I am making PROGRESS!

Once I set my sights on where I want to go, I started taking steps to make it happen.  Well, I planned out some steps, mini goals, and I am finally seeing results.

Last year I spent most of my time creating.  Mostly drawing, some painting, and learning.  Reading about being an Artist as a business, watching other artists and making friends (well trying to.)

This year I am proud to say that I have been able to get things out to the world.

It is not as easy as people would think.  You do not just make stuff and mass produce it.

You have to plan things, ask and answer questions.

Do I want to do limited runs?  How many?  How much space do I have, how many can I store?

What kind of paper?  Sizes?  Postcards, stickers?

What should I charge?  Etsy, Shopify, WordPress store, something else?  Art fairs?

Aaaahhhhh!

So many questions!

But I will not be derailed.  I will stay on my path and get to where I am going.

I am still undecided on several things, well almost everything.  But I will figure it out.

Right now I am going to celebrate getting my first print done and off to its new home.

Yay Me!

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The little one on top is the original.  The large one right under is 13×18 inches.  I scanned them at 3200 dpi.  I can go bigger!  I am so excited.

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Know Your Medium

Know Your Medium

I want to stress the importance of knowing your medium.

While working on a portrait I needed to fix some errors.  The paper was off white, so I would have to make my own correction fluid to color match the paper.

The plan is to mix a brown with white until the color is as close as possible.  I have two colors of brown, Burnt Umber and Sepia.  One is warm and the other is cool.

When mixing them with the white I discovered that the Sepia turned grey!  Not what I was expecting.  I quickly abandon the idea of using the Sepia.  Now I know that if I need a toned grey I can use it.

The Burnt Umber mixed well and gave me the correct tone I needed for the paper.

Below is the swatch tests I did.

You can see the differences in color.

Not all browns are the same.

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The bottles are backwards!  The Sepia (bottle on the right) starts in the middle.  The Burnt Umber (bottle on the left) starts at the top.  I did several more swatches before I started on correcting the drawing.

MothersDayDrawings

So Busy

I have been really busy the past few weeks.

I have done so many things.

  • Photographed plants in 2 Gardens
  • Photo shoot in a SteamPlant (way cool)
  • Mothers day pics
  • Creepy Angel
  • Working on a stippling commission 12×22 inches (I am insane!)
  • Stretch canvases for new paintings, 3 so far.  More to go.
  • Spring clean house (darn chores)
  • Crypticon – Zombie Face paint
  • I feel like I am missing something…
    • There is always something more

Either way, I am kind of tired now.  I need a day off.  Time to do nothing and be nothing.

If you check out my Instagram account you will get to see all the crazy things I have been up to in visual form.

I am still trying to get prints made.  I keep running into roadblocks (mostly the green paper kind.) I hope to have stuff by the end of September.  Things are looking up!

Enjoy these images of my crazy few months.  Go, GO, GO!!

OrangeJoy

Celebrate!

I like to celebrate my birthday.  It is something that is important to me.

I do not do it because I want the attention or things.  I do it because I like that I am alive.  I like to celebrate my birthday to honor all of the things I am, do and will do.  I celebrate to honor my past and future.  All those that I have  met and will  meet.  All the things I will have experienced or will experience.

On my birthday I get to celebrate ALL of the things that make me me.  Most other holidays you only get to celebrate a part of you.  I get to celebrate the macabre side of me on Halloween, the spouse side of me on my anniversary, the family side of me during most other holidays.  My birthday is the day where I can be all of me, not just a tiny part.

A lot of people get hung up on the number or year that they are celebrating.  In my mind that is not worth celebrating.  Getting stuck on the number is only going to get depressing.  There are not many ages worth celebrating. 16, 18, 21… Great, you can drive, vote and drink.  People dread 30, like it is the end of the world.  More dread 40, like it makes you old or something.

I think you should be proud that you have been around to circle the sun 30, 40, 50, 60, on and on times.  Each rotation adds knowledge, skills and experiances.  Things you can pass onto others,  or horde for yourself (if you want.)

Celebrate being you for another year.  You have chances to accomplish things.  You can take care of anything that you will regret later.  You get to have experiances.

You are ALIVE!

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Joy.  Ink wash Painting, by me!  I HATE Orange.  I do not even like to eat oranges.  I thought I would try something different, since I went out of my way to buy some orange  ink.  UGH  This is NOT my favorite thing.   I would like it more if it was in  different colors.

 

Neoclassical Columns

Your Supporter, Part 2

I get fulfillment from supporting you. I also require support, I am only a human, like you.

Just because I am not engaging in active battle does not mean that I will never have wounds. Experience should have taught you, not all wounds are visible. Most of mine will be invisible to the eye.  Things you cannot understand because they are foreign to your experiences.

I feel privileged to be the one you chose, yet I often feel inadequate.  Your light is so much brighter than mine.  I often feel less visible.  I feel inadequate emotionally and even intellectually.  I am not adequate to be your support if I cannot answer to your needs or my needs impact you.

You capture people with your stories.  You shine so brightly that others have no choice but to be drawn towards you.  They want to be a part of your story, they NEED to be a part of your story.  I am privileged because you chose me to be with you.  You chose me to see things in you that no others will ever see.  I am probably one of a few not blinded by your light, one of the few that does not want it.

There are times you expect me to be like the others.  You seem so disappointed when I am not entrapped or fawning over your. I might try to be one of the crowd, but it will not be genuine.  Then we are both hurt.  You because it is obvious that I am faking interest, and me because of the backlash the fakery causes.

You will not always see my needs. Even  if you did, most of the time you cannot understand what will fulfill the need.  You will not have the experience. You and I will not always be able to fulfill the needs.  I will do anything to avoid bringing attention to your inadequacies and I will find someone to help me. Even if I have to pay for it.

People overlook me.  Even if I am in need.  They see only your bright light. Finding people who see the smaller and different light of mine is challenging.  Often they are deceivers or fanatics, wanting to get closer to your light.  My time of need turns to defending your back.  You will never see it, and I am left hollow and my needs have not been met.

 

You ask me for advice. I do not think you know what you are asking… or not asking.  I have not and will not experience what you have gone through.  Yet, I should know what you should do?

Given time, I can find your answers, I can have all my needs filled and I can protect all of the secrets.  I do not always have the time.  You are a warrior.  You move quickly from one adventure to the next.  Seemingly oblivious to those around you.  Making me rush to find the answers you seek.  Wrong or right.  Making me decide who’s need is greater, yours or mine.

I feel inadequate being.

Being the home you need.  Being the lone support for “everyone.”  Being asked to accept things without hesitation.  Being “the one;” that know, that feels, that sees, that listens. Being the rock.

I will do it.

It is what I am.  I cannot do or be anything else.

I might be a diamond in my own right, but even diamonds can be shattered with enough pressure.  Be warned.

 

 

 

 

Neoclassical Columns

Your Supporter

I am not the warrior who goes to battle.  I do not have scars that have epic tales to tell.  I am not the one who will entrap you with my charisma or astound you with my skills.  I mostly pass in the background, unnoticed.

I am the one that you are comfortable with, the one you come home to.  I am the one that binds your wounds and applies any salves.  I am the one you tell your secrets to after everyone has gone to sleep.  I am the one that hears about all the unglamorous parts of your adventures.

 

I may vanish for short times.  When I come back things quickly return to their normal, comfortable flow.  You will not even notice my new skill or knowledge until it has become a part of the routine.  You will forget to comment on it.  Things will move on. My possible adventure to boring for you to bother asking about.

Yet, I am the one who knows everything about you…  Hopes, dreams, fears, strengths and weaknesses.

I am the nameless one.  The keeper of secrets. The unseen.  The colourless one.  The faceless one.  I am the one that knows all, sees all, hears all.

I am the one that speaks nothing. I am the only one that will not betray your secrets to anyone else.  No one will know what is in my head.

I will never experience your pain.  I will never know the pain of broken bones.  I will never know the pain of struggling, broken and battered, to return to camp.  I will never know the pain of losing a friend on the battlefield.  I will never know the pain of watching a cherished ally expire in my arms.

I cannot even imagine such things.  They are absolutely foreign to my mind.  I cannot even begin to understand.  All the research, and all the time, in all the world could not make me understand, things that only experience could explain.  And I will never experience them.   That is pre-destined.

This should not make you dismiss me or misjudge my value.  A person like me is invaluable.

I am the very essence of home. I will be here when you leave for your adventure.  I will be here when you come back.  I will always be here to stand by you.  Removing the grime encrusted armour.  Putting away the weapons.  Applying bandages and salves.  Quietly waiting for the story.

I will not judge.  I will not stop you. I will not force anything. I will just listen and make sure you are comforted and supported.

I will never shine like the warrior who has been through battle.  I will never be able to drag someone from the brink of destruction like a battle tested warrior could.

I will just be.

And that is the hardest thing.

 

 

 

Work, Work, and a bit of Blah

It has been a crazy busy year. I have been working hard, both the day job and art. I have run myself down a few times.
March was busy with Emerald City Comicon prep, deciding that a commission plan was not working and starting it over, some personal stuff, and just trying to take some time off the day job to relax.

April has had just as much going on. ECCC was this month, I am deep into the reworked (and much better commission.) I have taken time to relax and try refill my energy reserves. Life keeps throwing me “curve balls” and it is taking me longer than I would like to recover. This last one was a doozy.

I have had an attack of negative self talk. With my birthday coming up I have started to plan a nice little event. Nice dinner at my house with some friends, talking and playing some board games. Just some people having fun.  The bad side is that if I plan it, no one will show. Things will happen and they will bail at the last minute. I think that even if I have someone else coordinate it, it would fall through. Thinking about it makes me really sad.
I feel like a loser, doomed to be friendless… alone… an emotional desert.
Then I look at whatever art I am working on. No one who is a loser could make something this cool. An emotional desert cannot create anything… and I create amazing things.
My value is not based on the number of friends I have or their willingness to be with me. My value is in what I can do and how I feel about it.
It keeps the negativity at bay and I survive to art another day.

Here is a sneak peek at what I am working on right now.

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