The past week has been rough.
I am so burnt out from my job that I am putting in my notice. I have been doing the job for ten years. It has grown beyond what one person can handle. I have asked for help every month for the last year and none has been forth coming.
The stress is taking its toll on me. I eat when I am frustrated so I keep putting on weight and wasting money on junk food. There is not escape from the food. It is in the cafeteria, gift shop, snack bars (there are two,) and the pharmacy. There are also three convenience stores across the street.
I am so frustrated that I cannot get the motivation to exercise. I do not even really want to work on art, read, or socialize. I just want to hide away in my room and stare at the ceiling. Then all the negative and bad thoughts come. So really, a lose, lose situation.
There are things that I am concerned about. Like having enough money to support the house hold, paying bills and what not. I am concerned that I will not be able to sell any art to help financially. I am concerned that I will not be able to create more art, once I do not have the stress and frustration of the daily grind.
I worry that I will just fail and bring the household down with me.
I just cannot do it any more. Working at a fast food joint slinging burgers or taking orders is more appealing then going into work tomorrow. If I had fewer morals, I might have just walked off the job several years ago.
I have morals and I am pretty stubborn. I do have my limits and they have been reached.
Sad and true.
After TONS of research I have made the leap and opened an Etsy store account. Over the next few weeks I will be photographing and posting things to sell.
Exciting, and scary.
Moving on with my goals. I did not initially plan on having a “store” just yet. However, it occurred to me that I may want to have a place to send people in the event they cannot afford a product while at an event (art festival and the like.) Maybe I can sell a few things to pay for admission fees and packing materials (apparently that could be the more expensive part since I paint / draw larger things.)
I am excited! Moving along my path to reach my goals! Things can become so much clearer when you just make a move, small or large. Any move on the path is good. I also need to clear the walls and other storage areas so I can create new things (I am a little on the prolific side.)
I am also scared. Moving into an unknown area is challenging and scary. No amount of research can prepare one for having a business owner (or attempting.) There are so many things that I do not know, and do not know that I need to know. I do not know how people will accept my art style and (by proxy) me.
I am not 100% sure on the whole pricing thing. Not many are, from what I can find. Packing originals, some with glass… taxes (income and sales)… fees… licenses… So many unknowns.
Another plus, I know people who know the answers, or might be able to point me in the right direction. Friends are AWESOME! I have been avoiding asking them much, because… well it is scary to ask for help (from another post!)
I am going to push ahead. Success is only going to come if I try!
(I sound confident right?!).
There is a lot of art out there that was hard for the artist to create. Well, maybe that is just not quite right. It is easy to create, but hard to look at afterwards. It is to close to something true within and causes pain to see it out in the world.
Today I show a bit of something very true, a bit of my core, my soul, whatever you want to call it.
There are times when one can feel trapped, chained down, by life or perceived restrictions.
I was having one of those times when I planned and drew this.
I remember every time I look at it or think about it. I think about it when I am feeling chained down. It causes a type of pain to look at (think about) if I am emotionally susceptible. Writing about it brings up anxiety.
Now for the technical stuff on the drawing. It was done with Micron pens. It took about 50 hours to draw, 10 hours to digitally edit and color. I used a photo of a rusty dock pylon for the texture and a bit of color to make it more “rusty” colored. Yes I have some water marks on it.
Here you go. The bit of my soul (a creepy bit.)
It is hard, sometimes, to not realize that you are only a single voice in a large crowd and not many, if any, will ever hear you.
There are many other analogies for this:
One light in the sky.
One grain of sand on the beach.
One flower in the garden.
What you say or how you say it will not make it very far, in most cases. Your message gets lost before you can finish thinking about it.
Everyone wants to be heard / seen/ felt… sensed in some way. Some people shout, some talk softer, some band together under one cause and their voices become much louder.
However you do it you just want to reach people. If you goal is to reach 10 people and shouting works, great. If you want to reach 100 people and speaking quietly works, go for it. If you want to reach a country or make an impact on the world, joining a group is usually the way to go. It does not matter how you do it, you want to reach and connect with others.
I think the thing that depresses me the most, is that all the shouting, shining, and growing, will probably not make a difference in the world. Not even in your own garden, beach or sky. Everything will be the same as it ever was, had you not existed.
Everything we do is for naught but our own self-importance. Meaningless…
You talk to a friend (or a fan, or family, perhaps) and your view point changes. You realize that you made a difference to someone. That their life is less without you in it.
Even being able to effect one life is worth all the shouting, shining, and growing you can do.
Be the best light you can, shine your brightest. Be the best grain of sand, best flower, best voice you can be. Do what you can to make one life better.
One life that benefits from anything you do, is all one needs to keep going.
Proof that one voice, one light, one grain or one flower can improve the world.
Thank you friend.
And Happy Birthday J
This week will be a week of Birthdays. There are two, that I am aware of. Both friends of mine.
Since I am exceptionally broke this year, they get drawings.
This is pretty great for me. I have something to draw on two of five days (yippie!) and I do not have to spend any money. Only about 2 hours of my time. Which I was going to spend drawing anyway. Win for me… Not sure how they will feel about it.
I will also give a birthday plug to Robert. As a freelance artist and comic creator the plug will probably mean more than my doodle. I doubt he reads this, so it will be a nice surprise if any of you choose to visit his sites. 🙂
Robert has two (yeah two) comic strips running, Writhe and Shine and Overcast with a Chance of Doom. They are both really good and quite entertaining (Chance of Doom makes Wednesday’s worth dealing with.) He has a gift for sneaking gags into the art (all hail lord Vego.) Worth a look if you ask me. (Honestly, the art is amazing.) You can also check out his fine art offerings at his personal site.
I could rave about Robert’s art for quite a while. If I did that you would never get to see my art (hahaha) offering for today.
Zero and the banner turned out okay. Poor Jack, though… not sure what happened there… Sorry Mr. Burton! I did not mean to butcher poor Jack. Good thing I chose not draw Sally.
It has been a long week. I managed to do a drawing every day on top of the crazy days at work.
I am not sure if I can keep up the pace. I will try to get ahead this weekend and do some drawings. They are fun, but time consuming. I have been slacking off on the painting in favor of the fun and “quick” thrill of the drawings (and the quick validation that comes with posting them.)
Work, work, work. Gotta get the art out of my head. It just takes so much time.
Gotta love the Instagram filters. ^^