THIS is Asthma

NerdHistorically asthma was a “nerd” disorder. Portrayed by kids that could not go outside because they would start wheezing and coughing, maybe even passout. The kids that had inhalers and would take a puff when they were nervous or scared. The kids who stuttered when talking, played Dungeons and Dragons, chess, ate weird foods and dreamed of playing outside.

Having visible difficulty breathing is a way to show one has asthma.  But it is not the only way.  There are many other symptoms that one cannot see.

Think about it for a moment.  Humans who forget to drink enough water suffer from headaches, urinary tract infections, kidney stones and a variety of other ailments.  What would happen if your body was not processing oxygen (and trace gases) efficiently?

head in the cloudsOne thing that happens is the loss of mental faculties.  The brain requires quite of a bit of oxygen to run correctly.  A person who is not getting the proper treatment for their asthma may have trouble thinking clearly acting distracted.

Another is loss of motivation. Why do anything that takes what little energy you might have away from you?  All that matters is … well, nothing.  Nothing takes no energy to maintain. So you get sucked into this vicious circle of nothingness (I experienced a whole year of this.  It is terrible.  I will not go back.)

Why bother making the bed?  Why bother going to work?  Why bother making friends?

whybotherMost of January I was very unmotivated.  I had trouble concentrating, planning, thinking and doing.  It took all my energy to get up, go to work, come home and prepare to repeat.  I did not have energy to create art, do chores or even sleep.  I came home and laid in bed thinking about nothing…  Why bother, I do not have the energy to do anything.

… Wait…. That sounds like Depression!

That is what I thought!

Once  I made the connection (it took forever.  So many bad days…) I started to look for articles relating to a connection between Asthma and Depression.  My handicapped brain had trouble finding many.  Most specialists seem to think that a person is Depressed and has or develops Asthma, which makes the depression worse.  Depression first, Asthma second.

Going along that logic, I am depressed and I developed asthma. I do not think so.

I developed asthma due to a poorly treated bronchial infection and moving to an area with known poor air quality.  Add my existing allergies and POOF, I have asthma.  I am sure I am not the only person that developed asthma later in life.  This was not something I was born with.

On the same note, I have never been diagnosed as depressed.  Yeah, I have bad days like everyone else.  Overall I really like living, and see the sad days as a way to make the good ones better.  I have a mind to dream things and energy to make them happen.  On a consistent basis.  None of the traditional flow and ebb common in people with depression.

Maybe a professional should look into poorly managed Asthma causing Depression.  There are articles on how asthma makes depression worse, how asthma medication can worsen or cause depression, but not much outside of that.  Maybe it is one of those “no kidding” kind of things.  So simple we know it to be true, so no one researches it.

I have gotten additional medication for my asthma.  I hope to see some results in a week or so (it takes a while, sometimes…)  The main fruits of my research are that I CAN do things to keep the depressive side affects at bay.

  1. Take my meds.  On time, every day.
  2. Exercise!  Even 20 minutes of yoga can greatly improve mood.  Most providers recommend 10 minutes of cardio to help strengthen the lungs.
  3. Friends.  Yes, get out and talk to people.  Even if you have to fake feeling great and being upbeat until you are (it works, so say the professionals.)  Ideally should have friends that understand what is going on and can deal with it.

Asthma Prevention Heros

That is about all I have on this topic today.

I really hope that it helps someone a little bit.





Eye of the…



My drawing of Fred’s eye. I think it came out pretty good.

Not how the song or saying goes, but today’s drawing if of Fred’s eye.  I think it came out pretty nicely.  I even edited it Picasa to add some warmth to it.  I had to resize it in MS Picture Manager.  I have not been able to find that option in Picasa yet.  I know it is in there somewhere.

I actually spent time on this drawing. I had a good day and I used that happy energy to keep focused.  I started to lose focus the further away from the focal point I got.  I do not want to drink any caffeine to get the last bit out.  I have to get up in the morning to work.


Referance photo for “Eye of the Lizard.” Courtesy of Mr. Ben, Fred’s “owner.”

On a personal note, it was a pretty good day.  Poked a “bear,” I hope something comes from it (and not my limbs disappearing…) I had a

meeting with someone about an intern / volunteer thing.  Informal right now, but I hope that it will lead to better things.  I need to learn all I can about the Web Design / Development / Administration so I can move on in my career.  I really want this to work out (fingers crossed.)  I get to sit in on a training session next week. *Excited!*

I know this year is going to be better than last year.  I lost all my motivation and creativity got sucked away with it.  This year I have the creativity back and some “happy” so I am more motivated.  I wonder if it has anything to do with my good allergy meds… (that was random…)

Have a good evening!  One more day of Fred drawings.  I wonder what I will do tomorrow!


…Don’t Wanna

I do not really want to draw today.

I do not really want to socialize today.

I do want to crawl into bed and pretend that no one is home.

I do want to stay home and not interact with people.  I am still up in the air about the cats… they can stay if they are quite…

Just because I did not want to does not mean I did not.

I drew.  I went to work and talked to people.  I made a blog post. Look at me being all responsible and doing things I do not want to do.

I will crawl into bed when I am done (90% chance.)

No cats, they are not usually quite.  Attention hogs.

Here is my doodle.  It is something I drew a bunch in my school days (high school and university.)

Imagine the perfect spot.  But it is on top of a cliff and it is very challenging to reach.  Would you still try?

Totally!  It is the perfect spot.

I doodled a path to take to get there.


A little doodle about the path to a perfect spot. I played with the coloring afterwards.

P.S.  I loaded an upright photo!!  Why the heck is it sideways in the post??  Freaking annoying.


Go with the Flow

What I had planned for today and what happens for today are two different things.

At some point in the day I ran out of “Happy” and just did not have any more energy to deal with things.  Everything took so much effort.  Reading, typing, writing, talking, thinking, everything.

Today we have another one over the weekend.  The paper pool, or maybe one of the happier ones?

Happier it is.  In a terrible cellphone pic.  I will set up my scanner this weekend!


“Here is the truth: Your situation is never permanent. It is what you make it. Life is not solid, it is fluid, it CHANGES.”


Exercise Day

Everyday we put things off that are easy to do or good for us.  I am no exception (just re-ordered my allergy meds… 4 days after I ran out.)

Gym day, for me, is a condensed version of what goes through my head when I procrastinate.  I thought I would draw it out today.

Yes my hair is usually this messy. I gave up trying to control it.

I took 8 photos and this was the best one.  I really need to start using the scanner… 😉


Elation to regret, negotiation to doing, and in the end you can take on the world.

Negativity Monster

The Negativity Monster strikes again. Out of the blue, during my bed time routine.
“You can’t  do it.”the Monster says.
“You messed it up already. It is never going to be as good the second time around .”
“You don’t know how to do that. Learning will take to long.”
“Why do you even bother trying?”

No matter how much anyone likes my work, it is never enough to shut up the Monster.  It nibbles at my good mood. Eroding any joy I had about finished works. Blocking any good intentions I had for starting something new.

I hate you Monster.
Just leave me alone. I want to do things. I want to have fun and joy, without you lording over me.
Bug off.

You always make me spiral into despair. Nothing gets done and my visions and dreams go un-created. Some even die before they have a chance to be examined.
I want to see things, Monster. Not  have my sight blocked by you because you say that I ‘can not’ do it.
That lamppost is interesting, even  if I have looked at it 100 times. This time is is interesting.

Stop talking  to me about my failures.
I have many succeses. You may see them as small and unworthy. They are still sucesses.

Stop pointing out all the things I have not done.  Stop telling me that I will never do them. Stop saying that I am stuck where I am and I will NEVER move on or up.
I will do things at my pace. I will choose what I will and will not do. I am not stuck. I can move on and up.

Monster, leave me in peace

Not Good Enough

Our days are colored by our first thoughts in the morning.  If your first thought is something like “I don’t want to get up and go to work.” You are probably going to have a mediocre day.  On the other hand if you wake up and our first thought is more positive “That was a good sleep.” You are probably going to have a better day.

not-good-enough_design  Many of us wake up and our first thoughts are of the work day or what was on our minds when we went to sleep.  Most of the time I (and many people I know) got to sleep by running over a list of things that did not get done and need to be done “tomorrow.”  How depressing is that!  Even worse is when you are doing extra work (volunteering or internships.)  Those extra hours of work make your day really long and add to your daily to-do list.

Looking at this I am not surprised that most of my morning thoughts are “I don’t want to get up and go to work.”  I am basically working two jobs.  I do well at the one I get paid to do.  The internship, I am not sure about.  When you are unsure where something is going that increases the negative things that go on in your head.

Everyday we encounter things that make us feel like we are “not good enough.”  People may tell us this with words or action, we may just encounter an activity that makes us say “I am not good enough.”  Every time we encounter this we have a choice to give up, avoid or keep trying.  I know a lot of people will avoid the issue until they have to give up because the time to deal with it is past.  There are lots of people that just give up without even trying.

Stephen-Hawking-QuoteI think the fewest number of people actually keep trying.  To keep trying when you think you are not good enough and to keep trying when other people tell you that you are not good enough show perseverance. To be able to keep going when YOU think that you are not good enough is the hardest thing to overcome (personal opinion.) These are the people that are usually successful.

Most of us want to be successful.  Many know that it takes a lot of hard work and dedication.  When we come across self doubt things get harder than most can deal with and we end up giving up.  If you can get past your self doubt and persevere you can be everything that you have dreamt about.