The Great Chicken Resurfaces

I have been busy creating art and not posting much on my progress.

One of the reasons is that I have failed to follow through on a few things.  Mostly failed myself.  Self sabotage kind of things.

At the rate I am going one would think that I am not interested in moving into being a “professional” artist, or doing art full time.  One could think that I am really just messing around and not serious at all. There are days where I think that, so I can understand that others might.

Then I get mad at myself for letting me down. I have spent a lot of time building up a selection of art that I like and others have expressed an interest in.  Why can I not seem to take the next step?

Set up a website and sell things or even upload things to Etsy or SomETHinG.  ANyThING!!  Just DO IT!  Get on your butt in front of the computer and do what needs to be done.  Click that darn button. Throw the Freaking switch.

… and I don’t.

I come up with so many excuses. “not enough product,” “not enough money,” “I have to put this time towards the house,” “I need to finish this,”  and “I can do it after I do ______.”

I call BS on myself.

None of those reasons are valid.  I have plenty of items.  I will have enough to fund this on my next payday (for the 10th time,) it will not take time away from my other chores,  I have nothing that NEEDS to be finished before I start this, and I will always have something that I think is more important.

Do I NEED a “Thank You card?” not if a quick sketch or scribble will work.  I can develop one later, or after my first sale.  Do I NEED to have stock on hand?  No, there is a print shop down the street that will get what I need done in less than 24 hours on average.  Do I NEED to take photos of my paintings… Well, yes to that one. I do need to do that, but NOT before I open a store.  Again I have plenty of other things to offer.

The negative self talk is there.  You suck.  No one wants your art.  No one sees it.  You cannot connect to anyone with this drivel.  Why not just stop now, you are not going to succeed.  You do not even know what you want to gain from this.

AAARRRGHHHH

It needs to shut up!

I just want to get this done.  Click the darn button.  Throw the switch.  Take the leap.  Even if I am not 100% ready.  I should just do it.

Should… darn that word.

We will see what happens this next pay day.  Will I do it?

Not sure.  It is really scary, and I am really a chicken.  lily-livered and everything other term you can conjure up.

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Ink wash on paper.  I think I will call it “Inside.”  I did this back in April.  I was having a really rough time and felt that there was nothing but chaos in me.  That chaos was casting shadows out into the happy parts of my life.  I kind of feel that way again.

 

 

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Work, Work, and a bit of Blah

It has been a crazy busy year. I have been working hard, both the day job and art. I have run myself down a few times.
March was busy with Emerald City Comicon prep, deciding that a commission plan was not working and starting it over, some personal stuff, and just trying to take some time off the day job to relax.

April has had just as much going on. ECCC was this month, I am deep into the reworked (and much better commission.) I have taken time to relax and try refill my energy reserves. Life keeps throwing me “curve balls” and it is taking me longer than I would like to recover. This last one was a doozy.

I have had an attack of negative self talk. With my birthday coming up I have started to plan a nice little event. Nice dinner at my house with some friends, talking and playing some board games. Just some people having fun.  The bad side is that if I plan it, no one will show. Things will happen and they will bail at the last minute. I think that even if I have someone else coordinate it, it would fall through. Thinking about it makes me really sad.
I feel like a loser, doomed to be friendless… alone… an emotional desert.
Then I look at whatever art I am working on. No one who is a loser could make something this cool. An emotional desert cannot create anything… and I create amazing things.
My value is not based on the number of friends I have or their willingness to be with me. My value is in what I can do and how I feel about it.
It keeps the negativity at bay and I survive to art another day.

Here is a sneak peek at what I am working on right now.

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