Today is just like any other day. I got up, wishing to go back to bed. Finished my morning routine (mourning the loss of my freedom routine) and went to work. I have not felt optimistic about work in a long time, very long time. I went to the gym after work, came home ate, read for a bit and went for a walk.
A book inspired me to ask myself a question. What is your dream?
When I was a child I envisioned myself as an artist. Drawing everything under the sun and making worlds with my pencils and crayons. People would travel far and wide to see my work. I did not conceive of making money of my works, just sharing a new world with everyone.
Now my dream is to make stuff. I dream of making art in a variety of forms. I want to make useful things, pretty things, things so ugly they are cute. I want to paint images so big that you lose yourself in them, you see the tree within the forest, the light when blinded by the sun. That is my dream.
The desire for fame and fortune can enslave us all. Sir Meliagrance Kneeling before the Queen by Helen Jacobs.
Today I decided that I will stop LOOKING for a job. I will stop minimizing myself to one page, Arial, 11pt. I will stop defining myself in keywords and buzz words. I will no longer prostrate myself before big businesses that cannot see and employee as a person, an investment instead of an expense.
I will make things. I will suffer my day job, to pay for materials for my dream. I will paint the tree in the forest, the light that shines from the sun. I will knit a scarf, a hat, a blanket. I will build a website, bird house or cat tree. I will stop wasting my time one an endeavor that is not going anywhere. I will use my energies on making things.
I will make them because I want to and because I can. I will make things for friends and family. I will make things because they sound interesting or fun. I want to share the bit of my ‘soul’ that went into making the thing.
If someone wants something I have made, they can have it. If they want to pay for it, so be it. But it was not the reason the thing was made. It was made so I could share the world.
No more dead wood blocking my path. I am going to work on my little dream.
We measure ourselves off the successes and failures of others. We forget that we are not on the same path and our successes are meaningless to someone else, just as their failures are meaningless to us. I will start following the path that works for me and I will enjoy the journey.