Another Day Off Please!

I want to go back to bed.  I have all day.
I stYed up ad did my daily doodle. Itwas a half harted attempt, as you can see by one of the hands. I have no clue what happened, it was ok in the pencil drawing.



I hope evyone that got a three day holiday enjoyed it.


Shut Up Brain

Lately my brain doesn’t want to stop thinking.  I just want to go to sleep.  Shut up already.


So many things run through the mind when I go to sleep. I drew a few.

Sometimes I Dream of … Zombies

This morning I dreamt of zombies.

I have had zombie dreams before.  In those I was on the survivor end.  I would wake up very tired.  It is hard work surviving a Zombie Apocalypse.

Today’s was a bit different, in that it was a 3rd person point of view and ‘we’ were the zombies.

A bunch of people are heading out of the airport.  A father with two kids, one about 12 the other about 5, is having trouble juggling a backpack, duffel bag and the children.  We swing into position a few feet behind the fathers head.

“Dad, I want a piggy back!” says the older child.

“I can’t carry you and your brother.  You need to walk.”  The older child promptly falls on the floor and pouts. “NO!”

The father stops in sight of the doors to the parking garage.  Puts the duffel bag and younger child down.  He turns and gestures the older child to hop on his back, over the rather flat backpack.  “Get, on.  We can’t miss the bus.”

The father grabs the duffel bag and the hand of the younger child and moves out the door to the parking garage.

The father and children are now in different cloths rushing to the back of a department store.  The father keeps looking behind him.  As they near the storage and loading dock area of the store we start to see bodies with grey military issue blankets covering them.  The father picks up the younger child and grabs the older ones hand.   They step over and around the blanketed bodies.  The older child touches one of the blankets, takes a few steps and falls down.  The father lets his hand go and keeps walking.

As he passes through the door way leading to the darkened back rooms a girl in her 20’s hands him a blanket.  Not thinking he brushes it away, takes a few steps and falls to the floor.

As we pan over the blankets and bodies we overhear a conversation between to muffled voices.

“So you read that IM to?”

“Yeah. Who would have thought that it could actually happen”

“Not me. This is so lame.”

We come back into focus over the father, who is getting up.  He looks very disheveled, but other than that looks “healthy.”  He stumbles over to the older child’s body on the floor.  Shakes him and asks “Did you read it?” He gasps for air. “DID YOU READ IT?!”

“No.”  The older son replies, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

“Liar.  You would be outside with your brother if you hadn’t.”  He turns away in disgust and looks at the others that are milling in the area.

“Why doesn’t anyone look at us!”  We here a shrill voice shout.  “They are not looking!”

We move from behind the father to stand by a girl in her mid 20’s.  She has long wavy brown hair and is wearing a light top and jeans, also looking disheveled. “They will not look at me! Why wouldn’t they look at me?”

We shift views to see twenty to thirty disheveled looking individuals moving to intercept customers walking through the store.  The disheveled people jump in the paths of the customers, shout at them, try to trip them and grab them.  The customers show little to no response.  The most noticeable is that one customer changes course to look at a product instead of heading towards the registers and another swerves around the person blocking his path.

As we watch we see the girl has changed her cloths and is wearing a skirt.  As she walks around the main aisles something dark slides down her legs, like he pants are falling off.  A voice shouts “That is a shirt, moron!”  The girl looks up, smiles, steps out of the shirt, and puts it on.  Then she laughs and runs into a side aisle.

A group of disheveled people gather together and slowly but steadily a buzz of voices can be heard.  They consolidate into a chant “We are the Dead.  We are the Dead…” 

The disheveled, self proclaimed dead line up down the aisles, chanting.  They slowing move out into the main aisles trying to gain attention.

“We are the Dead.  We are the Dead. We are the Dead…”

A click from the overhead pager system can be heard…

… And I woke up.

That was my crazy zombie dream.  I wonder what happens next.

Working Zombie


What will they think of next? Click the image to go to the store that stocks it 🙂

We all have done it.  Tried to create something while we are mostly asleep.  Whether it be a web site, code, fine art or a sketch the results can go one of two ways, brilliant or terrible.  I am usually surprised which it is each time I work while I am basically a zombie.

When you are mostly asleep it is like you stop over thinking things and, even when creating from scratch, you just naturally do a decent job.  Then when you are more rested you can touch up things and the result is usually really good.  On the other hand you can realize you are really tired and over compensate and over think things.  Resulting in extra work for later.

This is just a neat phenomena that I just noticed, while I am a virtual zombie from want of sleep.  Great insights can come at the oddest times.

Happy Friday Eve!

I’m going to get some rest 🙂

The Gray Room

Stress, stress and more stress.  With so many things going on it is hard to focus on which ones are the most important. Everyday it seems like there is more to do, less time and less resources.  People just keep piling on the tasks and responsibilities, and there is no one to really talk to about the issues. 

Welcome to being an adult!  The bonus is that you can eat your dessert before dinner and go to any movie you want.  That may not seem like much of a trade off on most days, but we should really take note of any sliver lining we can.

What does this have to do with a gray room?

Gray (to us in the US, grey to the UK,) is the only color that evokes no emotional or logical response.  It is the NULL in the color world.  In an episode of “Fairly Odd Parents” Timmy (the main character) wishes that everyone was the same.  Every one in town turns into gray blobs.  Completely devoid of any emotional attachment or any differences.  In that sense the gray room is a place to go when you are feeling mentally and emotionally battered.  A place to take a break and have nothing that requires your attention.

I chose gray for several reasons.  Mostly it is a NULL color. It does not make me feel gloomy like Black or blinded like White.  Yellow is basically forced happiness when you are stressed out.  Blue may be soothing, but it still makes you think of things like water or sky.  Red is passion and Purple makes me want to be pampered in a spa.  Spa’s can get expensive.  Green is a nice color, but it is now associated with recycling and (not new) money.  Money is the root of all evil and not very calming to think about when you are stressed about a variety of things.  Gray wants nothing, and short of cool northwest weather, makes me think of nothing.

My gray room is basically like the Holodeck in Star Trek.  It has no size limit and  is a flat, matte gray.  In my mind I could walk for days and days and never stop.  I do not get tired, hungry or thirsty.  If I want to sit or lay down a flat gray shelf or block will be available for me to use.  The ultimate get-a-way spot for my brain.

I used to walk down a dimly lit hall, but I would get distracted by the spacing of the lights or start wondering where I was going or where I had been.  That would just send me into a thought spiral and sleep or rest would never find me.  Another thing I would do was to make fan stories based on books that I liked or had recently read.  Fun, but again thought spirals.  Getting interested in a story that is supposed to be making you sleepy or relaxed is not such a g

ood plan.  Lastly, when all else failed I would make a journal entry of all the things that were bothering me.  Sometimes I would let it be read, in hopes of some help, others times… Well, some things, thoughts included, should never see the light of day.

Like all things these relaxation exercises did help me unwind, but have since just caused more problems for the over worked brain.  Now it is time to find a new one.  Cue the Gray Room.  A wonderful mental retreat to relax enough to unwind and sleep. 


Lower panel of a painting I did for a co-worker. Acrylic on canvas. If the gray room does not work for you. Imagine sitting under a beautify white and silver dogwood tree.


Good night to everyone.

Relax and be well.

Cannot Sleep: A Nights Rambling Thoughts

I have had a pretty good night up until an hour ago when I realized I was not going to be able to fall asleep without writing in a journal (or similar) to relax and clear my head.  I thought this might make an interesting blog post, since I have several things floating around demanding my attention.


Awesome costume at the Privateer Press booth from PAX12. Taken my me:)

1. PAX Seattle.  I am going to be working in the table top area of PAX!  I worked it last year and it was very fun.  I realize it is still a little while away, but I have not heard anything from the dept manager and I would like to know what is going on.  I like to plan and not knowing is driving me to insomnia.

2. It is humid here.  Humid and hot.  One or the other I could deal with, both is just bananas (insert Gwen Stafani clip here.)  I also stopped by the hair salon and got a trim and they put product in my hair.  So it is hot, humid and my hair is sticky.  Not cool.  I should probably hop in the shower. Clean my hair and cool off.  That would make sense though, why would anyone want to make sense at midnight?

3. All the projects I have to do.  I have posted a few times about being unmotivated to work on projects.  Another hindrance is to many projects.  I have a conte on wood project in the works, and two more mixed media on wood planned (small still life ones, TG) a large single panel canvas planned and sketched out, and a large 3 panel canvas planned and sketched out.  I still have to stretch the canvas for the large ones (I missed the sale on canvases at Michael’s this week.)  I also have some Web Design stuff to finish.  I need to finish installing PHP on my server. A lot of my planned web dev projects hing on getting this done (I feel like a lazy bum every time I think about it.)

3. Family in town this weekend!  When am I supposed to get stuff done when I have to entertain my divorced parents?  So far I have scheduled each one at least one day to hang out with them.  I hope that is ok.  I do not want either to feel slighted.  Thankfully neither are staying with me this time around.  All are in hotels, so that eases most of the burden.

4. Interview on Monday.  Yay, I have an interview on Monday and I am super excited.  I am not excited about taking the bus into Seattle to get to it.  That is almost 2 hours of my life spent on the bus/train for something that might not pan out (sleepy Carissa is a little pessimistic.)Mr.Worry

5. I love how a worry about how tired I will be tomorrow makes me more worried and less likely to get to sleep in a timely manner.  It is a viscous cycle.  The “calming” music and the cooling fans are not helping either. In fact the pan flutes that just came on are annoying.  Time to skip that song!

6. Random Stuff:  The cats are sleeping at the foot of the bed.  I kind of wish I could curl up or flop almost anywhere and sleep.  Not in this heat though. Bills, bills, bills (need I say more?  Did not think so.)  Studio Killers “Apollo and Eros” is pretty catchy, the whistling is kind of fun.  At work today the HVAC in the area I work went down.  My office is across from the wood shop and they were varnishing wood today.  The smell was horrific and hung out ALL day.  I got paid to be “high” on paint fumes all day.  This is not as fun as it sounds.  Everyone was cranky because of headaches and most of us had upset stomachaches all day.

So why did I put all this out on the net?  I am not sure. Artists do weird things all the time and sleepy ones are even weirder.  I would usually just type this (and more) in a journal entry, but I figure someone out there in the wide spans of the internet would miss the entry and feel lonely for lack of a person to identify with. Or maybe I just wanted to have an entry that did not have a purpose.  Most of my entries to date have expressed an opinion or problem with some possible solutions.  One cannot have that all the time, we must have variety! Like eating wheat bread is good for you, but once in a while you should have some cake.  Spice it up (sweeten in this analogy.)

Alright.  I have rambled long enough.  I am going to try to sleep again.


I am so sleepy I did not bother to check and see who I borrowed this from.