Over Doing it

There are times when I am so busy that I over do it.

Not really physically.  Mentally and emotionally.

Things HAVE to be done; Get up, go to work, deal with people. The house has to be cleaned, people are coming over, tomorrow.  Spend several hours cleaning. Go to work, deal with people.  Get home, deal with people. Work on art.  It makes you happy right? Latte’s, sugar, tea… sleep? Chores, more painting and drawing.  Errands… Music to save your sanity  and keep you from punching that idiot.

There are days (like the day I wrote this) where I just need to go and hide in a dimly lit hole.  Hide and recuperate my energy, my tolerances, and relocate my motivation.

When I am this rundown I tend to get depressed or angry (I would rather be depressed.  It is easier to hide then to walk around trying to restrain myself.)  When depressed I have trouble focusing on the good things, happy things.

The good becomes so hard to find that it is not worth looking for it. It is almost not worth trying to keep making things because you think everything is bad. All you see are the mistakes and errors.  Not the overall picture and how it is viewed.

You start doubting your skills.  All the mistakes, errors.  I suck.  I am a failure.  I am an amature.  No amount of practice makes me better.

You get sucked into a spiral of “why bother doing..?”  It is  all mistakes, it sucks, no one likes it.

This process leads to a lack of inspiration, and then a lack of art.  Then a shell of a person, only going about things because they have to be done for the survival of the body.

Hopefully one can see it coming and mitigate the situation before it becomes  a full blown episode of stagnation and misery.  Months and years of your life can be lost in the “pit of despair.”

There are lots of away to recover.  I walk to recover.  I find a park, put on some music and walk.  Miles and miles.  I pretend that I am nothing.  No one knows me.  I have no skills, no personality, no needs, wants, desires, nothing.  I am unknown and invisible.  I walk.

Matt Simons – Catch and Release is one of my favorite songs to walk to.  It puts things into perspective.

And I am out of words on this topic for now.



Inspiration is all around.  One just has to see.


Painting inspired by the above scene I saw while out for a walk.





Bond, James Bond…. well almost


I am a sneaky spy!

It has been a turmoil week.

Birthday on Monday (not mine,) dead brain on Tuesday (it was pretty crazy,) walking with snails on Wednesday (still mad about that,) another birthday on Thursday (again on mine,) and finally Friday!

Before a long weekend.

And I am going to go to bed at a decent time.  I have stuff to do tomorrow.

Today’s drawing is really from Wednesday, pre-snail walking (that picture will come soon, maybe this weekend…)

On Wednesday I got out of bed, did my normal routine, and started to get dressed.  Then I realized that the Bond theme was playing.  Who does not want to be a spy for a few minutes.  So I did my best sneaky spy impression and got dressed.  It was quite a lot of fun.  I forgot to set my cloths out the night before and was trying to be “sneaky” and get things together.

It was totally fun.  I challenge everyone to play the song and be a spy for a moment.

Snails… like Freaking Snails

No drawing today.  The house went out for a walk and the majority figued it was cool to take two and a half hours to walk 3 miles… average  walking speed for an adult male is three miles an hour.
I am not happy. Wasted my evening.
Not walking with them anymore.
It is sad because I like the walk. Sea air, sun, trees and other people enjoying the are…
not walking like as fast as a snail.
…. I am really not happy….

A thought about protesting

I apologize for being away.  I have been moving (physically relocating from one end of town to the other.)  It is not fun and taking way longer than it should.

Status update is done now for the thought.

The story~

My work place is close to a Planned Parenthood.  I pass it almost every day while I walk outside on my lunch break.  Since school started there have been protesters there pretty much every week day.  Some of these people quietly sit/stand there with their sign and “stages of growth” signs or dolls.  Some have bullhorns and are actively and loudly protesting.  Some even bring their kids!  The kids usually end up sitting on the sidewalk while their parents shout their opinions to passer-byes. 

I do my best to cross the street so I will not have to talk to them.  I am in a uniform after all.  It would not be good to appear to be bias towards one or another side while on duty.  Well recently I was waiting at the light to cross the street (trying to send an email also) and one of the protesters approached me.  The first line was “you could die any time in the line of duty.” And the next line was “do you know what will happen to you after?”  My response was something like “I am aware of that, and I am ok with it.  I am not interested…”  Thankfully the light changed and I could rush across the street and continue on my walk and finish sending my email.

As I walked away I thought that the protestor presented me with a really morbid thought.  Do people really go around all day thinking about dying and being dead? That cannot be good for your mental well being.  Why not focus on living and being alive?  I would rather focus on the good things that I can do during the day than worry about the bad things.  Who wants to be depressed like that all day?

I know we all have to think about things like bills, the dangers of driving and crossing the street.  I don’t think that I should think about them ALL day.  I don’t think I should think about what will happen IF I die at work, ALL DAY.  That is depressing.  I might never go back to work if that was all I thought about.

I want to go to work to do good at my job.  I want to help people as best as I can.  I want to paint pictures that help people feel happy and make them think about their surroundings.  That is what I want to focus on in my day.  Not the grey and dismal “maybes” or “might’s” that can ruin the day.  We should all focus on the bright and happy goodness that happens and can happen in the day.

My second thought (really my first thought – every time I walk past these guys.)  Could you not find a better use of your time?  Is standing in front of an office building saying negative and ill informed things to passer-byes really the best way to use your time?  I could think of lots of ways to spend your time that would be more productive.  Knit some scarves and blankets for the homeless.  Volunteer at a hospital or school.  Go back to school yourself.  Paint a mural, build a house, CREATE some happiness in someone’s life, instead of spreading misery and gloom. 

Not everyone has the same opinion as you.  Get over it.  Yes, you have the right to share your opinion.  Just do it in a way that is 1. Productive and 2. Not infringing on the well being of others.  Wasting your time standing in front of a building is not productive.  You are not going to change anyone’s mind doing it, you are just annoying.  You also infringe on the rights of the people walking by or trying to use the business.


Ok that is the end of my rant.