Excuses

I have not written a post in a while.

Why?

  1. I am working on 3 drawings.  This means they are all going slow.  I essentially have nothing to post.
  2. My back is still bothering me.  It has been almost one year since my back injury.  I am still in a lot of pain (it fluctuates.)  The doctor is doubtful that I will ever be back to “normal.”  Life kind of sucks sometimes.  It really hurts to sit.  Some days I can sit for 15-20 min before I HAVE to move and others I cannot even attempt.  Once I am able to make all the workstations in the house standing stations or convertible I will be able to do more random stuff.
  3. August was really busy.  At the end of August I worked PAX Prime 2015.  It was tons of fun, but kept me from doing anything.  My spouse and I worked opposite shifts and we were there all day long.  ALL DAY.  9am – Midnight.  I spent a lot of time trying to nap.  There was also the house cleaning a prepping for being gone for a week.

Those are my excuses.

Fight On!

For some reason Chobits popped into my head on my way home.

Chobits is an anime and manga about a robotic girl who has lost her memory.  She is picked up by an introverted guy taken home and repaired.  It is actually a good show.  Mostly about self discovery than anything weird or creepy.  I enjoyed it.

There is an episode where the robot girl, Chi, helps her new owner focus on his work by cheering him on.  She punches up into the air and shouts “Fight-O!” every time the guy gets tired or distracted.

Typing this up I remembered why this came into my head.

FightOn!

You can do it!  …I think my people are getting a bit better.

I have a friend who is working his butt off to reach his goals.  I am honored to know him.  I am not at the stage where I am willing to put everything on the line for a dream (it’s also not how I generally work.)  I want to support him and everyone who is doing everything they can to make their dreams come true.

This post is for everyone who is working their buns off to reach their goals.

Fight On!

You can do it!

We support you!

lowbattery

Low Battery

Yesterday I ran out of “happy.”

lowbattery

Low battery. I usually use this term to mean that I am low on energy or the ability to interact with people.

Basally I had not had enough time to recharge my battery and was not as “customer service” as I normally am.  I let the negative things happening in my little world impact how I was acting.

I try really hard to keep up the “customer service” “happy” persona up while at work.  Things can get pretty negative and my attitude does not need to make things worse.  There are days where I think that my “happy” persona is the only reason some of my co-workers are still there.

We really support each other when the others are having a rough day.

Since I was really busy yesterday and used one of my drawings from last weekend I made sure I took the time to draw something good today.  At least I think it is good.  I kept getting interrupted and that made me slow down and focus on the lines and shapes.

Have a good weekend.

Recharge your batteries!

A quick sketch today on how I feel visualize my loneliness today.  It sucks to be on an island, penned in no less.  I wonder when the next boat is...

Attack of “The Lonelies”

A quick sketch today on how I feel visualize my loneliness today.  It sucks to be on an island, penned in no less.  I wonder when the next boat is...

A quick sketch today on how I feel visualize my loneliness today. It sucks to be on an island, penned in no less. I wonder when the next boat is…

You never know what anyone is thinking or feeling.  Some times you can make an educated guess, based on their actions, body language, facial expressions and tone of voice. If you are good you can get your actions in sync with theirs and you will build a good rapport with them.  If you suck, you will put your foot in it and ruin the mood.  You can never really tell.

I was having a pretty good day.  I interact with many people every day.  I also have social co-workers.  I had several really good conversations and interactions today.  Nothing to make me feel lonely or sad.  Yet when I got close to home the feeling of loneliness started creeping in.

You never can tell when your brain is going to change gear.  The slightest thing could set it off on a new path.  The way the sun highlights a car on the road.  The shape of a cloud.  People not replying to a query you made.  Getting a reply to your query.  You never can tell.

…     ….

I have things to do today.

I am creating stuff… and feeling lonely, which makes me sad.  I have things to do that are NOT whining about being lonely on my blog.

I am creating art.  Trees and grass and flowers should not let one feel lonely… and yet I still feel lonely.

I know it will pass.  “The Lonelies” always do. I will push through.

I just needed to get it out of my head to make room for trees, grass and flowers.

Later peeps!     (that should read really happy and energetic, FYI)

mondays-sounds-like-a-case-of

Better Attitude? Yeah… Riiight

Today was the first Monday of the new year.  2015 is in full swing and my attitude about the new year and its possibilities did not fly very high.

THIS IS A RANT!!  I am venting my irritation at my day.

I started the day tired, my brain just would not stop thinking about things.  I even abstained from caffeine Sunday to ensure that I could sleep.  That failed.

I exercised this morning.  My heart rate pounded with the slightest exertion.  Four days of lazing around and the lack of sleep did a number on me.  I also tried some “core strengthening” yoga poses.  My back (Dr. says I sprained it) is very tender and hurts.  Sitting all day did not help it at all.

I almost missed lunch due to the volume of work that kept walking into my office.  A poorly scheduled meeting, person after person after person, parading in and out of my work space.  I did not get half my work done.  I cannot image that my office mates got anything done either.

The “better” attitude that I planned on entering the new year with quickly evaporated.

There are days where I really just want to live in a hole and not see, hear or speak to any people or things.

I really did try to have a positive attitude about today.

I was going to go in and kick butt, take names and do my job so well that I would out do my records for 2014.  I was going to have a better attitude towards my co-workers and do what I could to help them.  I was going to get stuff done!

In reality the gym kicked my butt. I took names, and promptly lost them in the flood of emails, voices and post-its.  How quickly this year went to crazy was the only record I set.  I was able to keep my head above the proverbial water, just barely.  Not much got done.

Some days (like today) I would not mind being unemployed.

I hope everyone’s Monday went better than mine.

caseofTHeMondaysI think so…

A Head Full of Other People’s Problems

I have a pretty good life.  I have a full time job (even if it is boring.)  I have a great spouse and marriage and I have no children.  I have money to pay the bills and even some extra to spend.  I get to go out and have fun, relax and enjoy myself when  I want to.

My life is so “pretty good” that I let my head get full of other people’s problems.  Other people’s money problems, family problems, and even friend problems. All these problems that I have read about or spoken about roll around in my head waiting for me to come up with a solution. Even if it is not my place to work on these, it happens.

head and bulb

The gears in my head are always turning.

I realized that I am quite boring in person.  Even though I have done and seen things, I cannot tell the story well (just not one of my skills.)  I think have always supplemented my boringness with the problems of other people, things for me to mull over and solve.  Got money issues, I will mull over it and see if I can come up with anything that might help.  Significant other dressing like a slob, I will mull over it and see if I can suggest anything that will change the behavior (just let them know what you think of their cloths.)  Need an idea for a story, game or other project?  Let me mull it over, I will have something for you, probably lots of somethings.

The only time this becomes a problem is when I cannot come up with a feasible solution.  I have tons of ideas on how to market your product (I really do) but you are going to have to invest time and probably money.  If you are broke, that does not really help any.  I wish I had more money to throw at the problem for you, but I cannot afford to do that (not to the amount needed, anyway.)  I have time to help, but I cannot DO it for you.  I wish I could, but I am not as skilled at      (your skill here)    as you are.

All I can do is give you suggestions.  If you choose to put the time and effort into the suggestion, I know it will turn out well.

Today my head is full of other people’s problems, and I cannot do much about it.  I just let them float around and propagate solutions that will probably never be used, so sad.

picassoNot being able to act on the ideas is the most frustrating thing for me, and others like me.  The ideas are there, like ripe apples on a tree.  All you have to do is reach up and take them.  I would rather you take my idea and run with it, then let it rot on the tree.  Yes the idea can come back next time the tree fruits, but it is not always the same and not always as tasty.  Taking an idea is not stealing if I am okay with it.  Plus you taking an idea, vs letting it rot, will allow me to have more ideas, better ideas.

I would really love to make all my ideas a reality on my own, but I am not really able to.  I do not have the skills needed for many of them.

So, let me know if you are in need of an idea.  I will mull over it and let you know.  I will even sketch things out.

A Better Whine

Today is one of those days where I wish I was better.

I wish I was better with Photoshop.  I wish I was better with Illustrator.  I wish I was better with code, so I could be better at web design.  I wish I was in better shape.  I wish I was better at being motivated to do stuff.  I wish I was better…

stop whiningWishing is not going to make me better at any of the things I want to be better at.  Doing them will.  Doing is much harder than wishing.

Honestly I would much rather be painting instead of working in Photoshop or Illustrator.  Unfortunately I need a nice clean digital image for a poster I am working on.  That means Photoshop or Illustrator.  That means headaches, backaches, numb butt and lots of clicking and cursing.

Through this endeavor I will get better at digital illustrations (and I rolled by eyes after I typed that.)  I love digital illustrations or computer graphics as most people call them.  I just do not want to be the one creating them.  Give me a photo to put into a design and I am a happy camper.  Make me make one and now I am crabby (posting on WP instead of working on it…)

Alas, I cannot find a suitable photo for my poster.  Now I have to make one.

I doubt I would get so crabby if I did not sit in front of a computer all day anyway.  Now I have to spend my free time in front of a computer NOT killing electronic representations of fictitious and mythical beings (World of Warcraft for me,)  I have to W.O.R.K.

WHHHHYYYY can’t the image be available (and free?)  That would just be to easy.

Alright.  I am done whining.  I will get to work.  I might even post my finished product.  Hopefully it will be done next week, AFTER PAX.

A little whine and back to the grind.

TTYL